The Dream

Coming off the heels of losing my grandmother in September has been one of the hardest seasons of grief I've ever walked through.  I never expected to experience such deep sadness, as I expected I would be ready and prepared for her to pass in her ripe age.  But... grief is funny and weird and surprising.  As part of my journey towards acceptance of her death and feeling my grief, please allow me to share this special story. 

My grandparents were married for nearly 73 years when he died in 2020.  Their marriage wasn't perfect, but it was faithful.  They loved each other to the very end, and they both lived to be 97!  I've never witnessed a more broken heart than my grandmother's after Grandpa passed.  All she wanted to do was be with him again.

 Shortly after my grandfather passed away, I had a dream.  

In my dream, my grandmother and I took a taxi to a lake.  The lake was surrounded by tall pine trees, and the taxi took us right to the edge of the lake.  The area around the lake was covered in pine needles, maybe signifying it was fall.  As we stepped out of the cab, I heard back to my left, "Glory!"  My grandmother's name was Gloria, and Grampa always called for her this way.  She turned towards him and ran into his arms.  He kind of picked her feet off the ground and spun her around.  Then he looked over her shoulder at me, as if to ask permission that he could take her.  I nodded, and they were gone. 

Some dreams stick with me.  I know there are many dreams I have that I never remember.  Or they seem really real in the moment, but I can't remember them as my day goes on.  This is a dream I have never been able to forget.  I told my gram about the dream several times over the last several years.

One day last year, my aunt and cousin were visiting Gram and went to a local lake for a picnic.  My cousin sent me pictures and my jaw dropped.  THAT WAS THE LAKE IN MY DREAM!  The tall pines, the grassy area before the lake... the clearing the taxi took us down to.  It was the exact image in my dream.  I had never visited this lake, so there was no way I knew what it looked it.  

It turns out, this lake was special to my grandparents back in their courting days.  Grandpa used to take her out on a canoe to the little island in the middle.

Back in September of this year, my grandmother became very sick.  Knowing she was close to the end, I flew up to visit her one last time.  While I was there, my aunt and cousin and I grabbed some snacks from the grocery store and went to this lake for lunch.  As soon as my aunt pulled into the parking lot, I had chills.  I couldn't believe it.  This place was exactly what I dreamed about.

I went back to the hospital and told my grandmother about the dream again.  She smiled and said, "that's nice.  That's where your grandfather used to take me."

Six days later, my sweet Gram passed away at the beautiful age of 97.  Just like her husband.  In the fall... like in my dream.

I will miss her for the rest of my days.  Gram was a very special woman to me, and maybe I'll write more about her another day.  In fact, I did write a blog after I spent a week with them in 2011: Sugar Cookies and Apple Pie

Yesterday, Jordan came in the door and told me he had a surprise for me.  He came around the corner with this painting in his hands, and I fell to the floor with emotion.  He commissioned our friend and pastor, Justin White, to create this image of my loving grandparents in front of the lake (insert crying emojis....).  

It's just so incredibly beautiful, and quite literally what I saw in my dream.  To see a real depiction of this special dream is just such a special gift.  I don't have adequate words to express to Jordan how thankful I am for his thoughtfulness, and to Pastor Justin for his incredible talent, time and care he took to capture them just right.  Shout out to Justin and his art!  You can follow him on Instagram @justinwhiteartist. 

When something is this beautiful, you just have to share it with the world.  I have a feeling there's more stories coming about these two lovebirds in the near future :) 

Break-ins and Butterflies

In October of 2021, our home was broken into while my mom and I were out at a park with the kids.  Jordan was out of town on a work trip.

I didn't notice anything was missing or that anyone had been inside when we first got home, but later that night, I found coins sprinkled on my bedroom floor.  I thought that was odd, as I had just vacuumed and cleaned up the day before.  So, I looked at the seashell on my dresser where I throw spare change, and noticed the entire shell was empty.  Some other precious things were also taken from my dresser.

Still unsure what happened, I called Jordan to ask if he took the change.  He hadn't.  I wanted until the morning to talk to the police.  And filed a report.  But at the time, I was still very unsure how anyone had entered the home as none of the doors or windows looked tampered with.

Long story short, about a week later, I was sitting at our table homeschooling Natalie when I looked up and noticed giant handprints on the dining room window.  It hit me instantly.  I went outside and noticed a patio chair pulled up under the window.  UGH.

Police were called and fingerprints were taken.  And when Jordan got home from his trip, we set up an entire security system and new cameras.

The police officer that came to the house to take fingerprints gave me the words I couldn't find to express how shaken I was feeling.  He said, "Someone came into your castle, your domain, without permission.  So naturally, you feel angry, vulnerable, and shaken."

Yes, to all of it.

Thankfully, with time, and more precautions in place, we began to move forward and feel some of our sense of security restored.

Fast-forward to the following spring, I started serving with a soup kitchen in downtown Hampton once a month, and in April, I met a woman who is a Master Gardener.  When she heart I have three children, she offered to bring by some milkweed that had monarch caterpillar eggs laid on it.  We would get a chance to watch the life-cycle of a butterfly!

The entire month of May was spent checking on these eggs, then caterpillars, several times a day.  A couple weeks ago, we were getting ready to leave on a camping trip and we noticed two caterpillars were looking fat and plump, ready to make their chrysalis.  When we returned a couple days later, sure enough, we saw just one chrysalis on the plants!  Natalie especially was so excited.  But, where was the other chrysalis?

A few hours later, Natalie went to check on the chrysalis again, and it was half-eaten by ants! Just gone!  My poor sweetie just cried big tears of disappointment.  

"Mommy! I was so excited! I've never seen a monarch butterfly before," she cried.  Oh, my mama heart just about broke in half.

In my heart, I just said a quick prayer for her to find understanding and maybe one more chrysalis somewhere in the backyard.

A couple days later, Jordan returned home from another work trip (sensing a theme here?)...

He was in the dining room and looked out the same window that had been broken into, and his gaze fell on a beautiful green chrysalis attached to the back of our new security camera!  It was positioned in such a way that only the Holy Spirit could have guided his eyes to see it.

Needless to say, Natalie was so excited and hope was restored.

What we set up to keep our house secure, on the very window that was broken into just months prior, the Lord guided new life to plant itself and grow.

It was a symbol of protection and peace for our family, over our home.

Yes, the break-in happened.  It rattled us.  And with the coins and other precious items, the person stole our sense of security.

But what the enemy intends to steal, kill, and destroy, the Lord intends to protect, provide for, and breathe life into.

Read that again.

Jesus is the Way, Truth, and Life (John 14:6).  Of whom shall I fear (Ps. 23)?

Amen.