It’s been a hot minute since I’ve sat down to write a blog post. Ummmm… longer than I care to admit! But I’m sitting down on a Saturday morning, baby and husband still asleep upstairs, and toddler happily playing with a toy she hasn’t seen in awhile, and I just felt compelled to start typing. I may not get to finish what I’m starting here in one sitting, but the point is, I started.
I can hear a good friend’s voice in my head this morning, encouraging me to just start, as she has recently started her own commitment to write a book by next spring! Sometimes, we just need to start.
So what’s on my heart this morning? Hmmm…. Lots of things. It’s been a pretty emotionally charged week in the social media world after the events in Charlottesville last weekend. I’ve seen a LOT of people share how they feel on their statuses and in their own blogs. I have thoughts and emotions about these events, too… but I don’t think that’s what I’m supposed to write about. It’s not that I’m choosing to stay silent (as so many this week have encouraged us not to do), but I’d rather have conversations about racism and current events one-on-one, where both voices can equally be heard.
I couldn’t fall asleep last night as I had a friend on my heart who needs urgent prayer for healing in her body. I’m devastated for her and her family for what they’ve already gone through, and what may lie ahead. Cancer SUCKS. It’s scary. It’s real. And it’s so so sad (that’s not even a strong enough word) that we all know at least one, but most likely MANY, loved ones who have suffered. I lay in bed last night asking God to heal her… miraculously… WHOLLY…. Every molecule and cell in her body. God, the Creator of the Universe, can do it. So I prayed into that Truth. It doesn’t do any good to pray with unbelief in my heart. So I prayed for a larger faith last night. Faith that believes God can Heal. Or course I know He can heal…. But there’s the imperfect part of my soul that has unbelief, doubt… wants to reason with God. Make a deal. Ask Him WHY.
I knew not to go there last night. I don’t always. But last night, wisdom kicked in.
So I prayed for healing. For wholeness. For restoration in body, mind, and spirit. For all of those suffering from disease, cancer, viruses…
It’s funny… my two-year old little girl just came up to me and asked me to play “dance” music on our Google Home (I know, 21st century children these days)… “Plee dance goo-goo,” she asked. How could I resist?
So I asked Google to play “Christian dance music.” Trying to keep it clean this morning!
A song I’ve never heard came on that sang “I’m standing on your promises…”
As I predicted, I had to stop writing because the baby woke up and needed to be fed, and then life kicked in and got busy this morning. My husband woke up and asked if we all wanted to make a Target run so he could return something. Duh… I’ll never pass up a trip to Target.
As I was getting in the car, I noticed a missed call from one of my closest friends here in Virginia. I called her back as I was sitting in the driveway, while Jordan was busy locking up the house. She told me this friend I was just writing about above had passed away in the wee hours of the morning. Little did I know, my restlessness last night was during the time of her passing.
I’m trying to wrap my mind around her loss. Her family’s loss. Our church’s loss.
I was just writing about her a few hours ago. Jeez.
I got in the shower this afternoon and just broke down and wept. I felt Jesus whisper to me, “I’ve healed her… I’ve heard you all… she’s finally WHOLE.”
Jesus, Jesus… hug her tight for us. We will miss her here on earth… we’ve been changed because we knew her. I’ll be wearing the clothes I inherited from her give-away pile last fall with sweet memories of the day she gave them to me and joked about how they were out-of-style, that’s why she was getting rid of them.
I didn’t even know her on a deep level like many from our church do, but because Denise was such a light, and such a beacon of faith and hope…. as our pastor puts it, a pillar of our church… she touched all lives who knew her even just a little bit.
There’s a reason we feel stirrings in the middle of the night. Sometimes there’s a reason we can’t sleep. There’s a restlessness that calls us to action.
I felt it last night as I was praying for you Denise… as Jesus was calling you home after so much physical suffering here on earth. I didn’t know what was happening to you, but the Holy Spirit was prompting me to pray.
And so, even now, I have learned something from you still. My faith is deepened…
We love you, sweet friend. Dance with your Savior, now. You are set free.
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26