**This is a post I wrote on September 1, 2014, but have been saving it to share on my blog for nearly 5 months. I can only hope our testimony, the story God has given us, will bless you and reassure you of His never-ending love and devotion to you specifically!
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On this day, one year ago, we were driving into the parking lot of the Langley Air Force Base temporary living facility. There are three things I remember about that night:
1. As soon as we parked, I broke out in hives (I tend to do this randomly with no rhyme or reason)
2. I whacked my head on the inside of the camper while we were trying to pull our bags out. Ouch.
3. I cried hard (like ugly cried) once my head hit the scratchy white sheets on my hotel pillow, as I realized the 33-day, 8,000 mile road trip of a lifetime was over, and now I had to "do life" again.
The following weeks and months became a blur of living temporarily at our friends' house in Newport News, trying and failing to happily adjust to the heat and humidity of the southeast, and spending way too many hours shopping at big-box stores to find things to fill our home.
And as the home filled up, my heart emptied out.
I had a very difficult season of adjustment to Virginia. Phew. There. I said it. The truth is out. Cat's outta the bag.
Some of you might be surprised by this. "But you make friends so quickly, Amy!" "You moved in to a beautiful house!" "You live closer to family now!"... and I can't argue with any of those things.
But there was a void in my heart... an argument I was too afraid to have with God, my Sovereign Lord... that kept me from truly accepting any of those blessings.
Moving for the third time in four years can be challenging for anybody. But I didn't care about anybody else and what they thought. I only cared about my story. Sounds selfish, but I know you have all been in that spot before. The "woe is me" place where everyone else can just get the H-E-double-hockey-sticks OUT.
And so my pity party began. I applied for jobs, but didn't get any replies. Let's be honest... I didn't really want those jobs anyways. I traveled to Portugal (an amazing experience, but probably at the wrong time in my life... and a wise friend once told me the right thing/person at the wrong time is still the wrong thing ((he was talking about relationships, but I'll adapt his message to European traveling for my purposes)) And when I got back from gallivanting across the Pond by myself, I found myself so lonely, separated from God, and honestly depressed.
I've shared this in a previous post, but in November last year, the Lord gave me this verse in Psalm 46:4-5: "A river brings joy to the city of our God, the sacred home of the Most High. God dwells in that city; it cannot be destroyed. From the very break of day, God will protect it." I remember reading this verse at my kitchen counter and being completely overwhelmed with God's love for me. He has promised me that He will never leave me (Matt 28:20). He has promised to use everything, even the suffering, for good (Romans 8:28). He has promised a double portion of prosperity and everlasting joy for those who love Him (Isaiah 61:7). He created me (Genesis 1:27). He sees my heart (1 Samuel 16:7). He knows every delicate, innermost detail of my life (Psalm 139). As empty as I felt on the inside, the Lord poured out His love, affection, and care for me into an overflowing river of joy.
This year has certainly had a lot of joy in it. We have found a wonderful, Spirit-filled church in Newport News (shout out to City Life!) full of people who have become family. I have been challenged to read my Bible this year, every day, every page, every verse. And the Lord has used my obedience in this task in BIG ways to draw me closer to Him. We have had a lot of family visits, both up north in New England and having them down as visitors. Living on the east coast has definitely made visiting easier.
I graduated from Wayland Baptist University with my Masters in Christian Ministry with a 4.0!
I had the honor and privilege of officiating my first wedding for my dear friends, Caitlin and Paul.
Jordan and I were both baptized together at our church on June 1, 2014!
We also became members of our church this summer... something we have never been able to do because we have moved so frequently.
And on the same day we were baptized, we received the miraculous news of being pregnant.
This is where our story really begins. We had been trying to conceive since January 2013, and after an unsuccessful year, we went through about 4 months of fertility testing and doctors appointments. In early May, we were told it would be very difficult to become pregnant without the help of medicine. Devastated, we took this news home and prayed about it for several weeks. We concluded we would try the medicine, but had to wait until I got my next cycle.
My next cycle never came, and on the morning of our baptism, we decided to take a test. Sheer, unending, overwhelming JOY flooded our hearts when we saw the TWO PINK LINES! Tears, laughter, and much "re-checking" of the test took place as we got ourselves ready to head to church to publicly announce our commitment to the Lord through water baptism. Oh how He loves us! On the day we decide to be baptized, the Lord gives us the biggest blessing of all!
We spent the next couple weeks telling our closest friends and family the news, enjoying every minute of the blessing and river of joy God delivered to us.
But on June 17th, we had an appointment for an ultrasound, and the doctor could not find a heartbeat. She concluded the pregnancy was not viable; I had miscarried.
Friends, let me tell you that car ride home was one of the most difficult 45 minutes to endure, as were the next couple weeks as I had to take medicine to fully pass the pregnancy and heal from the worst physical and emotional pain of my life.
The sleepless nights, the tears, the hugs from friends, the many meals brought to us from our church family, and their prayers were all a part of our time in the darkest valley so far in our 5 1/2 years of marriage. We are forever grateful to the people who surrounded us with support and love this summer as we walked through this experience.
The rest of the summer was a blur of traveling, building a pergola in our backyard, attending camp with the youth from our church, and accepting my first job as an adjunct professor at a local Christian college in town. More traveling, more visiting, lots of reading and syllabus writing...
And more waiting on the Lord for those babies I know He has promised us (more on that another time).
Another anniversary has passed, but with this past year comes so much wisdom gained, lessons learned, and a closer relationship with the Lord I could never have imagined being in. Isaiah 55:8-9 says, "'My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,' says the Lord. 'And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.'" Ultimately, I don't have to know what the future holds because I serve a God whose thoughts are higher than my thoughts could ever be! As I sit down to write the entry, I have become so thankful for anniversaries passing, seasons changing, and the new mercies God gives us with each day. And I look forward to the testimony God will have me share on the next anniversary.
(Stay tuned for a future post! As I wrote this post back in September, I was exactly two months away from finding out we were pregnant again!)
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