I just gave birth to (in my unbiased opinion) the most beautiful
baby girl in the entire world. Her name
is Natalie Jean, and she graced my husband and I with her presence as the sun
was rising on a Monday morning, July 6th, 2015.
Throughout my pregnancy, my husband and I prepared and
planned and prayed for a completely natural childbirth. There were
many reasons for us choosing this path, but most importantly, I wanted to
deliver my baby without medical intervention because I truly believed God had
this experience designed and laid out for me!
He created my body to deliver my baby, so I prayed into that Truth,
found a Midwifery Center that supported natural childbirth, hired a doula (a
woman who serves as a birth coach), took an 8-week childbirth class, and read a
lot of books about natural childbirth!
Maybe someday I’ll write about my labor and delivery
experience, but that’s not why I’m writing this post today. For now, I’ll just leave you with the short
version: Natalie was delivered without intervention, IV, needle, pain reliever,
or tearing of any kind! We praise God
for His faithfulness to carry us through the entire way, from first planting
that desire in our hearts to fulfilling the ability to deliver her completely
naturally.
The first immediate hours after delivering Natalie were a blur.
From the skin-to-skin time to getting myself showered and cleaned up, by
the time the room cleared, Jordan and I were completely spent… and
starving. With Natalie all swaddled up
and adorable in her new pink hat, we laid our heads down and rested while we
could.
As I was falling asleep somewhere in those first hours, I
very clearly felt the Lord whisper these words into my heart: “Be strong and courageous, Amy.”
I felt Him repeat those words over and over again to me as
Jordan and I learned how to take care of our precious little gift, and not
stress too much when she seemed to cry for hours without reason.
“Be strong and
courageous, Amy.”
You see, as soon as Natalie was born, my heart started to be
anxious and count down the days, hours, and minutes we had together as a family
before Jordan would leave for a 3-month deployment: 29 days, 8 hours, and 15
minutes to be exact. And every minute
that passed made me more and more sad that he was going to leave us, and we
would miss him more than words can describe.
“Be strong and
courageous, Amy.”
In those sleepless
hours with Natalie, I began to ask the Lord why He was commanding me to be
strong and courageous. I mean, I already
birthed my baby without pain medication… wasn’t that pretty courageous? Didn’t I prove my inner strength?
God pressed back on my questions. It became clear to me that God would not ask
me to be strong and courageous if He were not about to send me into a season
that would require both strength and courage.
I am about to raise my baby without my husband or her daddy
around for 90 LONG DAYS. This is both
terrifying and deeply saddening for me, as Jordan is not just an amazing
husband and father, but my very best friend in the whole world. The amount I’m going to miss him terrifies
me. There, I said it.
Am I the first woman to ever have to be alone with her
newborn while her husband is on deployment? Absolutely not even close. There are many women who even have to birth
their babies without their husband present.
My heart goes out to these strong and courageous women, who have had to
press through even harder seasons than mine.
But for me, this deployment is a first. The first time Jordan’s deployed, the first
time we’ve ever had a baby… the first time he’s ever deployed while we have a
baby. You see where I’m going? These
firsts terrify me. And the only things that are going to get me
through this season are supernatural strength and courage that come from God
alone.
The words “be strong and courageous” might be familiar to
those of you who read your Bible. God
spoke them to Joshua as he was about to enter the Promised Land. Joshua had just become to new leader over the
Israelites. Moses had led them through
the wilderness for 40 years, and now Joshua had to finish the task and bring
them home.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for
the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9
I noticed that God commands Joshua to be strong and courageous
three times in this first chapter.
Sometimes it takes God repeating Himself a few times for us to finally
grasp His message. But I also find the
power of repetition to be really encouraging!
I know the more times I am told something encouraging, the easier I will
believe it!
The time leading up to this deployment has been like my
wilderness period. Like the Israelites,
I have complained a lot about this
upcoming separation. I have questioned
and doubted God, even when He has done nothing but provide for me! I mean, I was pregnant with a baby I prayed
and prayed and prayed about for years!
What gets more clearer than that?! God has been with me always.
And yet, I doubted God’s plan. Would He really
give me a baby and then take my husband away for the first few months of her
life?!
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about God is that His
plans are perfect. His thought and ways
are nothing like mine. They are higher!! (Isaiah 55:8-9) So I have
to believe He is sending me into this new season for a reason. Even though it sucks… even though it is scary…
God has promised to be with me every day, hour, and minute that Jordan is away
from us.
It might sound crazy, but it’s hard to believe and have
faith in such an amazing God without strength and courage. Strength to endure the hard days when Natalie
fusses and cries for no reason, and courage to believe that God hears me even
through her loudest wails.
So onward we press… and count down the days until Jordan
returns. But I am confident God is going
to teach and mold both Jordan and I in ways we never would be changed without
this period of separation. And I’m so
thankful for a God who gives me strength and courage that are not of this
world!
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