Note: If you’re just joining me, reading my previous blog "Another Anniversary"
will help catch you up to this point in our story.
On October 1st, 2014, Jordan and I decided to
revisit our infertility doctor to make sure my body was healing properly from
the miscarriage and it was safe to start trying again. She gave us the “A-OK” and suggested we take
the same ovulation medication she had suggested we use earlier that year.
When Jordan and I walked down those long halls at the
Portsmouth Naval Medical Center for the umpteenth time that year, I couldn’t
help but be overwhelmed with all the various emotions we had experienced on our
way to and from each appointment. From
excitement to finally meet our new doctor, to nervous fear as I started some
painful testing, to unspeakable joy to see our first baby on an ultrasound, to
utter shock, confusion, and pain as we learned of our miscarriage… we had
experienced it ALL in those hallways. So
this visit was particularly emotional for me.
It had been the first time we had been back since we were told I had
miscarried.
The news that we were ok to start trying again was
uplifting. This time, Jordan and I
didn’t really hesitate in our decision to want to take the medication. We just had to wait for my next cycle. Just like last time.
The month of October flew by.
In the midst of busy schedules and life happening, the Lord
really started to tug at me with some Scripture I read in Jeremiah 32.
Jeremiah was a prophet sent by God to the people of Judah to
warn them of God’s coming wrath and judgment.
You see, they had pretty much done everything they possibly could to
live against God’s will. And even after
multiple warnings from God, they continued to live in their sinful ways. So God promised a great exile was about to
happen, and the land they loved so much would be destroyed.
This was God’s message Jeremiah had to share with the
Israelites! The phrase “don’t shoot the
messenger” was probably a thought going through Jeremiah’s mind many times!
In chapter 32, Jeremiah is imprisoned by Zedekiah king of
Judah for delivering his message of doom.
Jeremiah shares a message with the king that God has told him his cousin
Hanamel is going to come visit him in prison and offer him a portion of his
land to buy.
“6 Jeremiah said, “The word of the Lord came to me: 7 Hanamel
son of Shallum your uncle is going to come to you and say, ‘Buy my field at
Anathoth, because as nearest relative it is your right and duty to buy it.’”
(emphasis mine)
The idea of buying a field in the middle of a land destined
for destruction and exile was absurd for anyone witnessing Jeremiah’s
transaction between his cousin that day.
Why would the very prophet who has been speaking of God’s plan to
destroy the land decide to invest in a field in that land?
Furthermore, for Jeremiah to even buy the property, it was going to
cost him nearly everything he owned.
Prophets weren’t upper-class citizens and he was in jail. So anything left to his name was spent on the
field. Not to mention, it was an even
more absurd idea for Jeremiah to buy land when he had no wife or children to
pass it along to.
AND, the transaction between Hanamel and Jeremiah
was done in front of many witnesses, as Jeremiah was in a public jail,
and it that day, nothing having to do with a sale was done in secret;
everything was a public transaction. The
deed was signed, and Jeremiah asked that the documents be placed in a clay jar
so they will last a long time. He
proclaims this promise from the Lord: “Houses, fields, and vineyards will again
be bought in this land” (v. 15). And then… he prays. What an example to us all!
Jeremiah’s prayer in verses 17-25 begins with his
acknowledgment of how powerful and mighty God is. He proclaims God as Creator of the Universe,
and lists the many ways God has demonstrated his power over the world. At the end of his prayer, he claims God’s
plan for the people to be seized by the Babylonians. However, Jeremiah ends his prayer with, “And though the city will be given into
the hands of the Babylonians, you, Sovereign Lord, say to me, ‘Buy the field with silver and
have the transaction witnessed.’” (emphasis mine)
Wow. There are so
many part of this Scripture I could expound on, but that last verse is really
where the rubber meets the road.
When we meet an “and though” situation, does our obedience to God’s
will depend on what that “though” means or does our obedience to God depend on
nothing else but our faith in God’s promises for our future?
(Side note: One of the most famous verses people LOVE to
quote from Scripture is from Jeremiah 29:11- “‘For I know the plans I have for
you,’ declares the Lord. ‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to
give you a hope and a future.’” Yet,
God spoke this over a people who were in agony from the exile, being separated
from their loved ones and everything they knew!
Can you imagine being told such a promise in the midst of such
tragedy?!)
For Jeremiah, buying the field was an act of utter obedience. Though Jeremiah knew God’s promise to bring
the people back to this land where fields and houses would be bought again, he
still had to make a bold choice (and somewhat crazy choice) to invest in this
field.
·
It was
going to cost him everything he had.
·
Everyone
was going to know about it.
·
The purchase had to be made before the promise
was realized.
I began to really pray about why God would have me pause on
this Scripture. I literally read it over
and over and over again. Then I opened
up every commentary I owned, researched more commentaries online, and wrote a
lot in my journal. Ultimately, what the
Lord put on my heart was to “buy a field.”
Huh? Did I hear that right? You want me to buy a field?! What
does that even mean!?
I found myself driving to and from places up and down I-64
asking God what field He was asking me to buy.
I was pretty clear it wasn’t a literal field. What I started to realize what that God was
asking me to make a sacrifice (“It’s going to cost you something, Amy. Maybe everything you have.”), and I was to
make this sacrifice (or purchase) before His promise was revealed to me.
Before this time, I don’t think I had ever made a decision
about a life-change, career-change, job-change, etc. without knowing for sure
what the next step was going to be. I
always had the promise before the purchase.
But God was being very clear to me that this purchase was to be made
before He revealed what was coming.
I decided that whatever God was going to ask me to
sacrifice, I would willingly give it up.
I would obey. And then I would
faithfully wait for His promise.
Then God asked me to sacrifice being a youth leader at our
church.
Again, more questions for God. “Huh?! Are you sure? This is what I’ve been
called to do! I’ve poured my heart, time, and energy into
getting to know these kids this year!
I’ve been doing youth ministry for six years! Are. You. Sure?!?”
“Yes, Amy. I am
sure,” said God.
The next thing I did was talk to Jordan about what God was
revealing to me. I told him about
Jeremiah and the field and how God was asking me to step away from being a
youth leader. He was so supportive and
excited about what God was doing in my heart that he gladly gave me his
blessing to step down from Revolution Church (what our church calls youth
group).
I decided to talk to one more person before making this
decision. I didn’t want to involve the
opinions of many friends, because I didn’t want my conviction to waiver on
other’s emotions and thoughts. So I took
my “field” to my friend and mentor, and when I told her, she wasn’t surprised
at all! In fact, she said she saw this
coming, and gave me her complete support!
That was all the affirmation I needed. I set up a meeting with our youth pastor for
Saturday morning after I was done teaching a discipleship class…
Jordan was extremely busy with work in the Air Force,
including a week-long tour the last week of October to the Carolinas. I remember texting with him all week that I
still hadn’t gotten my cycle (we were nervous I would while he was gone, as
that would mean I would start medication without him). We agreed I could take a pregnancy test that
weekend when he got home.
Dear friends, if there is one thing I have learned this
year, it’s that God acts at just the
right time (more on that in another chapter/post). God’s
timing is perfect, Sovereign. He makes
no mistakes. There are no coincidences. So what I am about to share next is all to
glorify His name, His power, His plan for our lives and our future children.
The day I told Pastor
Justin I was stepping down from RC, I found out I was pregnant.
 |
| Our first ultrasound. There's really a baby in there! |
I knew God had a promise waiting for me, but I didn’t want
to place borders on that promise. In
other words, I didn’t want to decide for myself that the promise would be
children, as badly as I wanted them. I
also didn’t want to have a “manipulative” heart in making my decision to step
down from RC. Even though I cannot
manipulate God, I didn’t want the spirit of manipulation: “God, I will step
down from RC if you give me a baby.”
I’ve had this attitude before, and it is not one I am proud of or want
to keep!
But just like the
first pregnancy, we conceived without medication. We conceived the same month we decided we
would take medication to help us, also like the first time. And true
to God’s nature, He acted at just the
right time.
This baby is the field I purchased. Maybe it doesn’t seem like sacrificing my
involvement in ministry compares to receiving a child. But I also don’t think God works like that. This was more about whether or not my heart was
willing to be obedient to His voice, and have faith that He would provide the
promise.
I have learned a big lesson
these past few months about obedience… which I find extremely timely! After all, I am about to raise my own child, I
have always valued obedience and discipline and thought myself to be the kind
of mom that would encourage both in my parenting. Little did I know, I needed to learn some of
that myself, first!
Have you ever had an “obedience”
calling like this before? I’d love to
hear about it! Comment below, or email me at amy.kimble1@gmail.com .
To God be the Glory!
“One
of the assurances of future mercies must not be interpreted as securities from
present troubles.”
- Matthew Henry commentary
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