Four baptisms in one summer...

Did you know the Bible talks about four different baptisms?  Most likely, if you’ve been breathing on this earth for any amount of time, you’ve heard of a baptism.  And most likely, the only kind of baptism that you’re thinking of involves someone being immersed in water.  Or, if you’re from a Catholic background, perhaps you’re thinking of infant baptism where water is sprinkled on the baby’s head by a priest.

The other night, our pastor preached about baptisms again, but this time, God revealed something about my past that I had never realized before.  One of the things I appreciate about Pastor Fred (www.citylifeva.com) is that several times a year, he will preach about topics he has already addressed.  He always brings fresh wisdom to these sermons, so even if you’ve been around City Life Church for a while, tune in.  There’s usually something new being shared you haven’t heard before.

To listen to his sermon, click here: Holy Spirit Series- Pentecost Part One

I won’t even try to summarize his sermon from that night, but I will offer this image from his slides, and what the Holy Spirit revealed to me as I was sitting in my seat.

The word “baptism” literally means to be “immersed.” 

Baptism in Water: being immersed in water, this baptism is a symbol of sin washing away, coming up made new and making a public declaration of your commitment to the Lord. (P.S. if you’ve ever seen a child choose to be baptized, and share their reasons for it, bring your tissues. There is something so precious about a child who has chosen this huge step of faith!)

Baptism into the Body of Christ: being immersed into a church body is one of the expectations God places on us as Christians.

Baptism of Fire: quite literally, being immersed in a season of suffering.

Baptism with the Holy Spirit: listen to PF’s sermon J ultimately, this baptism means to be immersed in the Holy Spirit, empowered by the Holy Spirit to share the gospel with the world.

I honestly had never heard of the latter three baptisms on that list until coming to City Life Church in 2013.  In a way, I’ve been a little upset about that!  How had I attended churches for almost ten years before really hearing what Scripture has to say about baptism?!

Over the years, I’ve actually written graduate papers about baptism of the Holy Spirit, and been listening to PF’s sermons on baptisms.  So when he started preaching the other night, I settled into my seat, eager to learn something new.

And when this slide came onto the projection screen, I heard (well, felt… I don’t really heard the audible voice of God) the Holy Spirit whisper to me:

You experienced all four of these baptisms within just weeks of each other in the summer of 2014.

And I immediately knew what He was talking about.

In the summer of 2014, we had been attending City Life Church for about 8 months. 

On June 1^st, we were getting ready to head up to our Williamsburg campus (then held at a YMCA) to participate in their water baptism.  Jordan and I had never been baptized as believers.  We both had been baptized as infants in the Catholic Church, and had prayed over the years about whether or not being baptized as adult believers was really “necessary.”  So on this day, we were getting ready to make a very prayerful decision about walking forward in our faith with God surrounded by our new church community.

That Sunday, we also found out we were expecting for the first time.  As many of you know, we had been trying for quite awhile, and had undergone a lot of infertility testing that spring.  To find out we were pregnant on the same day we chose to be baptized was miraculous.

Just a few weeks after our baptism in water, we miscarried that baby.  That season marks one of the most difficult times of suffering in my life.   I was heartbroken, confused, scared, and lost.  I was going through baptism in fire.

That summer, we were on the cusp of choosing to become members of the church and start officially tithing.  Over the 5 years of our marriage, we hadn’t actually ever become members of a church.  We were always moved too quickly by the Air Force to settle in!  In July, we decided to become members of City Life Church and wrote our first tithing check.  We experienced baptism into the body of Christ.  And wow did that feel good.  We were committed to this church and these people.  We were home.

About the third week in July, I traveled to camp in Pennsylvania with our church’s youth group as a volunteer leader.  I was excited to get out of Hampton and be distracted from the pain we had suffered that summer.  I had no idea how God would meet me at camp.  I thought I was there for the kids!  Apparently, God had bigger plans for me.  About the second night of camp, the lead speaker had an altar call for the leaders to come forward and receive prayer.  I resisted at first.  But as soon as I went up there, the pastor came and put his hand over my head and prayed about my life ahead of me being filled with children.  I fell to my knees and wept.  He had no idea who I was or the loss I had just suffered.  I was overcome with the Father’s love for me and received baptism of the Holy Spirit and my spiritual language.

Now, I realize that at this point, I may have lost of some of you.  You may question what I’m talking about or maybe I’m “stretching the truth” a little bit.  That’s ok.  I realize this topic is heavy, and may not be received well from someone who hasn’t learned about baptisms in this way.  If that’s the case, I really urge you to listen to the sermon I linked above, and reach out to me with questions. 

Don’t let your confusion and doubt keep you from seeing the miracles of God.

Do some research.  Listen to some podcasts.  Ask some questions.  Have these baptisms been present in your life?

What’s even the significance of me sharing such personal details with you all?   Why does this matter?

Honestly, I’m not sure.  I’m not sure what you’ll get out of it.  Maybe you’ll just be left in awe like I was on Saturday night of the revelation God can drop on you in just a moment in church.  Maybe you’ll reflect on your own life and see if these baptisms have been present.  And if not, how come? 

What I am sure of is this: God loves you.  He loves you so much that he desires a life of baptism for you.  A life of immersion.  Immersion into a faith walk with Him.  Immersion into His church.  Immersion into a life of suffering so He can show you His glory and goodness and care for you in those seasons.  Immersion into empowerment by the Holy Spirit to carry out His ministry so all may know His love.

Don’t miss out on this love.

In light of Valentine’s Day tomorrow, I encourage you to think about writing a love note to God.  Let Him know what you feel about Him and commit to placing Him back on the throne of your heart. 

The summer of 2014 was a very transformative, powerful, life-changing summer for me.  Since then, my eyes have been opened wide to the ways God moves every day.  I pray with a boldness I didn’t have before those baptisms.  I have a faith that is unshakable. 

As we are about to welcome our third baby into this family this coming summer, exactly 5 years later, I am in awe of the truth of the words spoken by that pastor at camp.  God knew what I needed that night to restore my hope. 

I hope this testimony reaches you where you’re at, and you’re heart is open. 

All to God’s glory,

Amy

How fasting lead to seminary...

In January, Jordan and I participated in a 3-week fast with our church.  City Life fasts every January up until our anniversary service at the end of the month, as a way to listen to God, prepare our hearts for the new year, and be present with Him.  In the past, Jordan and I have fasted for part of the three weeks, or only fasted something like coffee as I’ve been nursing or pregnant for most of our time at City Life! Ha!

But this year, even though pregnant, we decided to do a sugar-control fast based off the book The Sugar Control Bible .  This program completely eliminated all forms of sugar: no bread or pasta or really carbs of any kind, and certainly no condiments.  Mostly we ate vegetables, meat, and fruit.  We did find alternatives like Bragg’s Liquid Aminos instead of soy sauce, olive oil and vinegar for dressing, and Ezekiel bread for our grains.   We eliminated all juice, coffee, and desserts. 

Let me tell you, the first week was ROUGH.  Headaches, shakes, and pure exhaustion just wiped me out.  Jordan seemed to be doing better than I was, but overall, we struggled.  By the second week we turned a corner, and by week 3, we felt better than we have in months.  It was worth pushing through.  I also feel like all the fruits and veggies we were eating kept our immune systems strong, as both our girls got sick that month and neither of us caught their illness. 

But aside from the details of the physical fast, this was a spiritual fast.  A time where we cleansed our bodies and our hearts to let God speak and move and answer prayer and just allow ourselves to be with our Creator.  All distractions set aside, Jordan and I began praying about some big decisions in our lives. 

For the past 6 months, I have been pursuing applications to graduate schools to begin my Masters of Divinity.  This degree will allow me to pursue my Ph.D. and ultimately find a job as a professor by the time Jordan retires from the Air Force.  See my post titled "Chadash"to read more about this journey.

Towards the end of last fall, I had come to a decision about where to attend school.  I eliminated several from my list, and decided on a school that was local, but I could still attend classes online.  It also has a Ph.D program I could roll into after my MDiv.  However, after nearly three months of dead-end phone calls and emails with their admissions and advising offices, I began to feel this wasn’t the school for me.  I should look elsewhere.  So after we returned from Christmas vacation, and upon starting our fast, I got back online and searched for more schools. 

Denver Seminary came up in my search, as well as my alma mater Wayland Baptist University.  A former professor and now friend clued me in that WBU was adding the biblical languages back into their MDiv, and I could pretty much transfer my entire first degree into that program.  Denver Seminary also offered to take a large portion of transfer credits, but they also encouraged me to start classes this spring as they would give me 50% off tuition due to leftover grant money they still had.  The fact that there was even grant money left so close to the semester beginning was a miracle, and definitely caught my attention.

It came down to needing to make a choice within 48 hours, as I either needed to enroll in classes at Denver Seminary, or continue to wait for Wayland to reply back to me.   It was a Wednesday night, and I needed to register by Friday.  Jordan left the house that night for an appointment, so after I got the girls to bed, I just took time in silence and solitude with my Father. 

Lord, please.  I need clear direction.  A yes or a no will do.  Please make it obvious where I should go to school.

God gave me this verse as I had been praying and reading my Bible: “I [You] have been anointed with fresh oil.” (Psalm 92:10)

This word “anointed” comes from the Hebrew word “balal” which means “to fodder to overflow.”  “Fodder” means “food” typically given to cattle, or in others words “to feed.”  “Anointed” is used in many other places in the Bible with the word “mishchah” (to consecrate), but in this case, David chose “balal.” To feed to overflow.

I am anointing your decision to go back to school, Amy.  And not only that, I’m going to provide an overflow of blessing.  Just trust Me.

I felt I had been given the answer I needed.

Just to be sure, I called Wayland back on Thursday to ask about their financial aid for graduate students.  Unfortunately, they only offered unsubsidized loans.  We had already decided I would not go back to school on loans, so this was disappointing news.  And yet, I felt God answering my prayers.  By the time Jordan got home from work on Thursday, I was sure of my decision.  I shared my heart with him, and Jordan felt God had impressed on him the exact same message.

I would pursue my education at Denver Seminary, and begin classes in just four days.

I already had a scheduled phone call that Friday with a girl from admissions that had reached out to me from the beginning.  I told her I was ready to register for classes, so she walked me through the online process.  As we were talking, she interrupted me and said, “Hey, while I’ve been on the phone with you I’ve been in communication with the financial aid office, and we not only want to offer you the 50% off tuition grant money for this semester, we also want to offer you a merit scholarship based on the fact that you want to pursue your Ph.D. after graduating.”

My jaw-dropped.  And I began to tear up as I asked her to repeat herself.

“Yeah, we have a renewable scholarship for you effective immediately.  So you can use some of that to pay for your credits this semester, too.”

Ok guys, this was truly unbelievable.  I had literally been hitting dead-ends for months.  And what seemed like overnight, I was accepted into one of the top three seminaries for online MDiv programs in the country, and offered a ton of financial help to get started.

I will feed you to overflow.

Having to make huge decisions in a limited amount of time is overwhelming.  But knowing I was trusting in God who loves me, guides me, and sees my future was so reassuring and gave me such peace.  I knew without a doubt I was meant to go back to school.  That decision was made last summer.  So deciding to begin classes last minute for spring semester seemed like a rash choice, but really, it wasn’t.  It was time to walk out my faith and TRUST.

And so, friends, here we go! I’m just beginning my third week of classes, and so far, I’m having a great experience.  This school is everything they claim to be, and have impressed me so much with their program, professionalism, and curriculum.  I am so honored to be a student at Denver Seminary, and am more than excited to finally get going!

If God has impressed a dream on your heart, what are you doing about it? Are you praying? Have you fasted? Have you removed all distraction so you can really hear from Him?  I would love more than anything to encourage you to lean into what God is calling you into, and to be here as a sounding board if you need a listening ear!

Here’s to more new beginnings and to living out my dream!

My Ditch and Switch Journey

About 3.5 years ago, a close friend of mine, Jessyca (@knottedmoose) introduced me to the power of essential oils. I had just had our first daughter, Natalie, and my husband deployed 4 weeks after her birth.  I was a brand new mom, with a very fussy baby who would go to literally no one else and I. was. exhausted.

Although her doctors never called her a colicky baby, I’m certain she was.  I exclusively breastfed her, as I was the only one taking care of her, so it didn’t make sense to try starting her on a bottle anytime in the first few months.  By the time I did try bottles with her, she totally refused them.  Every single brand, shape, and size.  She also hated the car seat.  She would scream as soon as I put her in there as if her life depended on getting out. And to get her to sleep, I would have to swaddle her, nurse her, and bounce up and down on my yoga ball singing “Jesus, We Love You” over and over and over again.  

By the time I went to visit Jessyca in South Carolina, I was a hot mess.  Nothing could hide the bags under my eyes and the stress in my body. I stayed with Jess and her family for over a week to help pass the time of deployment.  She taught me so much about motherhood that week, as she has three girls herself, one of whom was only a few months older than Natalie.  She made it look so easy!  What was I missing?!

Now, let me just get this out of the way:

EVERY BABY HAS THEIR OWN NEEDS.  

EVERY MOM IS JUST DOING HER DANG BEST TO MEET THOSE NEEDS.  

I was not an inadequate mother, but I sure was open to help and advice!

That’s when Jessyca introduced me to the KidScents line of Young Living Essential Oils, specifically SleepyIze and TummyGize.  I could see their benefits right away.  Natalie’s sleep was supported and more peaceful, and the gas in her tummy that caused her so much pain was able to move out more easily.

I especially loved that I was using products on my baby that were safe and nontoxic.

I was amazed.  And I especially loved that I was using products on my baby that were safe and nontoxic.  As a new mom, I was always nervous about what medicines and supplements were safe to give her.  Using a company's product that promises to go straight from seed to seal definitely took away a lot of that worry!

After my trip to South Carolina, I had another friend, Megan, fly down to Virginia and help me drive all the way home to Connecticut to pass more deployment time with family. Shout out to my tribe! 

Jordan’s mom started sharing more oils with me, and over the two weeks I spent there, I started to really see all that I was missing in supporting my physical and emotional health in a natural and safe way. 

Fast-forward 2.5 babies later (one’s still in the oven), and essential oils are a daily part of our lives and health.  

I started using Young Living’s Thieves Cleaner about 1.5 years ago, and it’s now the only cleaning product I use around the house from floors, bathrooms, windows, countertops, and more.  It cleans everything better than any chemical product I’ve ever tried, smells amazing, and is safe to use around my children and dog.  As a young mom with littles all over the house, it’s important to me I’m using cleaners they can safely be around. 

The “ditch and switch” phrase has been used as a way of describing how people are literally ditching the chemicals in their cleaners, skin care products, medicines, and more and switching to safe, non-toxic products.  

Today, my ditch and switch journey continued as I finally got around to under my kitchen sink. ((shudder))  I took pictures for your viewing pleasure.  

Before the Ditch

It was a hot mess under there.  And to be honest, I hadn’t used over half of the products under that sink in over a year and half since switching to Thieves cleaner!  

And as I was pulling things out, of course my 1.5 year old wanted to see what Mommy was doing.  She began to pick up bottles I was pulling out and I had to keep taking them out of her hands.  As I was moving things out of her reach until I could throw them away, I just felt so convicted that I was doing the right thing.  Not just for my own sanity, but for the health and safety of my small children.  They shouldn’t have to be exposed to harsh chemicals on the floors they play on and the potties they sit on.  No more!

As I was moving things out of her reach until I could throw them away, I just felt so convicted that I was doing the right thing. 

Here’s the final product. A trash can full of harsh chemicals, and a new kitchen cabinet that is decluttered and simplified: Thieves cleaner. That’s all I need now!

If you’re interested in learning more about how I use essential oils with my family or how the Thieves cleaner has changed our budget (spending so much less on other cleaners… like $0!) and our lifestyle, I’d love love love to share with you!

Young Living has a Thieves Starter Kit and several other starter kits that include diffusers and 11 basic essential oils everyone should have in their home.  I’d be happy to get you started on your own Ditch and Switch Journey, and will be sharing more testimonies to come!

Email me at amy.kimbleblog@gmail.comor DM me on Instagram @amyjkimble .

P.S. If you need a way to organize your essential oils, go check out Jessyca's page @knottedmoose! She makes beautiful custom oil racks!

Be anxious for nothing.

Anxiety.  

It can rear its ugly head at the most inopportune times.  It can cripple. Disable. Take over.  Destroy. Redirect your day and your plans.  It can take over your mind. It can and will take every calm nerve in your body and eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. 

I don’t know much about clinical anxiety or how that’s even diagnosed.  I just know how I personally experience anxiety in my own physical body. 

It usually feels like electricity running through my veins.  I feel like my heart is beating faster than it should be, and if it’s really bad, my chest will start to feel tight.  

My brain goes on overdrive. Tickety tickety tickety tickety tick tick tick tick tick.  

Can some of you relate? 

Anxiety for me isn’t something I’ve struggled with for years, or have sought help from professionals. I know there are so many of you who have been fighting these battles for years… and had much more severe cases.

But I recognize it. And I feel it.  And sometimes, it just plain ruins my day.

Notice I haven’t said, “my anxiety ruins my day.”  I am not claiming this thing that happens to me as part of me, like my arm or leg or mind or heart.  No.  Anxiety is something that comes upon me. 

Last year, I was having a pretty anxious evening while visiting some friends for the weekend. At the time my daughters were 2.5 and 8 months old.  My husband was on tour for work, so it was just a girls’ weekend.  My friend and I were on our way to a bowling alley where she would host her daughters’ birthday party, and I admitted to her I was anxious about how my kids would do in that environment.   She stopped me in the middle of my words and said “You have got to stop claiming this as your anxiety. That’s giving it more control over your life that necessary.”  And then, like the amazing friend she is, she prayed for me…while driving… with five noisy girls in the back seat. 

Her words have stuck with me ever since.  

The words we speak… they have power. Did you ever think about that? 

You know that old saying that goes, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”? THROW THAT IN THE TRASH WHERE IT BELONGS.

Words do hurt.  They hurt when others speak them to us or about us. But words can also hurt us when we speak them over ourselves.

I began to anticipate the anxiety coming along.  

I even got anxious about being anxious.

Claiming anxiety as mine meant that I owned it.  I realized I was making agreements with myself that whenever I got into situations that triggered anxiety, I was bound to have those shaky feelings and tick-ticking brain.  I began to anticipate the anxiety coming along.  I even got anxious about being anxious.  Oh Lord, help us all.

Maybe it’s time I start claiming goodness over my life, and anticipating wonderful things to happen.  

Maybe it’s time I focus on what I do have control over, instead of what might happen in a bad situation.   

Maybe it’s time I see my life the way God sees my life: purposeful, full of grace and potential. 

Maybe it’s time…. to just breathe a little more throughout the day and speak LIFE. 

I feel like I can here God whisper to me as I write this, “Well, it’s about time.”

A few months after my second daughter was born, anxiety really started to grab a hold over me.  I connected with a few friends from church via a text group that were also experiencing anxiety triggered in different ways.  This little group has been so supportive in the darkest of times.  The funny this is, between the four of us, none of us really see each other outside of church, and hardly get time to talk unless it’s through our texts.  But when one of us is really struggling, this group is ready to rally and be strong for each other.  

As a group, we decided to read Max Lucado’s Anxious for Nothing book.  We did the Proverbs 31 Ministry’s study for it online, and would text each other our thoughts and prayers.  I truly believe reading that book, studying the Scripture of Philippians 4:6-7, and leaning on the love of these sweet ladies really helped pull me through to the other side of post-partum anxiety.

Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”  

Be anxious for nothing.

Yes.  These are the words I should be speaking over myself in those tickety-ticking moments.  These are words of life because they are God’s heart for me: to be free from anxiety and fear and to be prayerful and to have peace. 

You may be experiencing anxiety as you read this.  You may have just had a downright awful Tuesday.  If that’s so, I’m praying for you, dear reader.

And I’m believing and speaking GOOD THINGS over us all as we march on.

Chadash

Chadash.

It's the Hebrew word for "new."

God is all about the Chadash business... taking old, worn out people and making them new.  Restoring the broken with new wholeness.  Replacing pain and sadness with new joy.   In fact, chadash is used 57 times in the Old Testament.  God must have truly loved that word!

What I love about chadash is that it truly means brand new.  A fresh, new thing.  So instead of restoring an old piece of furniture by slapping a coat of paint on it, it's like tearing that one up, throwing it in the fire, and building a completely new one out of new lumber.  New bones. New life. Fresh.

Jesus' blood does this for us.  His blood shed on the cross for us covers our sins and allows us to be in right standing with God.  We are given new life through Him.  New mercies.  New grace.  New chances.  The old has passed away, the new life has begun!

God has been doing a lot of chadash things in me recently.

Over the summer, He began to press on my heart to explore going back to school to pursue further post-graduate education.  I visited with a couple of my trusted grad school professors and friends who reminded me of my dream to become a professor at a university someday.  Teaching has always been a passion of mine.  But I've been a little busy raising babies for the past few years!  I have begun exploring Masters of Divinity programs that will eventually lead me into PhD programs.  I'm closer than I was over the summer, but still working on finalizing when, where, and how I will pursue that dream.

God has also pressed me to start looking for ways I can provide for our family.  If I want to go back to school, I need to find a way to pay for it!  Our family has never lived off of loans (with the exception of our mortgage), and we do not intend to start now.  So I've explored several ways I can work from home, or work out of the home with minimal hours, to allow me to stay with our girlies as much as possible.

Which leads me to this newest, newbie, new door God has opened for me!

I've decided to pursue starting a business with Young Living.  This is a multi-level marketing company that empowers so many people to earn a living simply by using products they love and sharing them with others.

My experience with Young Living is not fresh.  I've been using their essential oils for over three years now, and their cleaning products for over a year.  In the past, I'd either been gifted the oils, ordered through a friend, or purchased them at retail price from the website.  But one night a couple weeks ago it dawned on me: if I already love this company and their products, why not start benefitting financially?

If you know me, entrepreneurship is NOT one of my gifts.  Writing, teaching, encouraging... those all line up with my DNA.  But selling products to others?  Eek!  Totally unknown territory for me, which can also mean terrifying territory.

But, I am seeking to be obedient to a gift God has placed in my path that could lead to further blessings for our family and our family's future.

Isaiah 43:18-19 says:

"Do not call to mind the former things,
Or ponder things of the past.
Behold, I will do something new,
Now it will spring forth;
Will you not be aware of it?
I will even make a roadway in the wilderness,
Rivers in the desert."

I feel like God urging me to avoid the thoughts that I can't do this, won't be successful at this, and that I am going to fail.  Come on, those are lies!  God never calls us into something and then leaves our side.

But whenever we are about to start something new, isn't that when doubt starts to set in?  It's time to stop pondering things of the past, and look forward to the chadash moments God has for you.  Not the "thrift store new" or "new to you" things.... the brand-spanking, never-before-seen moments He wants to walk you into.

And just like God promises the Israelites to make a roadway for them in the wilderness, so I believe God wants that for me, too.  To show me an impossible way to accomplish this new task.  To be the One I lean on for guidance, wisdom, and encouragement.  To boldly step into something I'm not equipped to do without Him.  To swim in those rivers in the desert, being refreshed and made new.

As we close out 2018, maybe you're thinking of new things you'd like to try next year, new places you'd like to explore, new adventures to experience.  Maybe God is calling you to go back to school, or start a new business, or quit your job and find a new one.  Maybe you just found out you're going to have a baby, or you finally got a placement for a foster or adoptive child you've been praying for.  Maybe God is calling you to try going back to that church you've been invited to several times.  Or better yet, maybe you're finally ready to jump into this whole "Jesus-thing" I've written about so often in the past, and experience new life for yourself!  (If that's the case, I'd be so honored to pray for you).

Whatever chadash moments God has in store for you, I can assure you, you can trust Him to guide you through the desert.  And not just on a small footstep path where a few have gone before.  No, he promises a roadway- well-designed and engineered, sturdy, able to pass through whatever terrain is in the unknown.

Here's to new!

All for His glory,

Amy

Set free...

Around 9am

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve sat down to write a blog post.  Ummmm… longer than I care to admit!  But I’m sitting down on a Saturday morning, baby and husband still asleep upstairs, and toddler happily playing with a toy she hasn’t seen in awhile, and I just felt compelled to start typing.  I may not get to finish what I’m starting here in one sitting, but the point is, I started.

I can hear a good friend’s voice in my head this morning, encouraging me to just start, as she has recently started her own commitment to write a book by next spring!  Sometimes, we just need to start.

So what’s on my heart this morning? Hmmm…. Lots of things.  It’s been a pretty emotionally charged week in the social media world after the events in Charlottesville last weekend.  I’ve seen a LOT of people share how they feel on their statuses and in their own blogs.  I have thoughts and emotions about these events, too… but I don’t think that’s what I’m supposed to write about.  It’s not that I’m choosing to stay silent (as so many this week have encouraged us not to do), but I’d rather have conversations about racism and current events one-on-one, where both voices can equally be heard.

What else?

I couldn’t fall asleep last night as I had a friend on my heart who needs urgent prayer for healing in her body.  I’m devastated for her and her family for what they’ve already gone through, and what may lie ahead.  Cancer SUCKS.  It’s scary.  It’s real.  And it’s so so sad (that’s not even a strong enough word) that we all know at least one, but most likely MANY, loved ones who have suffered.  I lay in bed last night asking God to heal her… miraculously… WHOLLY…. Every molecule and cell in her body.  God, the Creator of the Universe, can do it.  So I prayed into that Truth.  It doesn’t do any good to pray with unbelief in my heart.  So I prayed for a larger faith last night.  Faith that believes God can Heal.  Or course I know He can heal…. But there’s the imperfect part of my soul that has unbelief, doubt… wants to reason with God. Make a deal.  Ask Him WHY.

I knew not to go there last night. I don’t always.  But last night, wisdom kicked in. 

So I prayed for healing.  For wholeness.  For restoration in body, mind, and spirit.  For all of those suffering from disease, cancer, viruses…

It’s funny… my two-year old little girl just came up to me and asked me to play “dance” music on our Google Home (I know, 21^st century children these days)… “Plee dance goo-goo,” she asked.  How could I resist?

So I asked Google to play “Christian dance music.”  Trying to keep it clean this morning!

A song I’ve never heard came on that sang “I’m standing on your promises…”

2:05pm

As I predicted, I had to stop writing because the baby woke up and needed to be fed, and then life kicked in and got busy this morning.  My husband woke up and asked if we all wanted to make a Target run so he could return something. Duh… I’ll never pass up a trip to Target.

As I was getting in the car, I noticed a missed call from one of my closest friends here in Virginia.  I called her back as I was sitting in the driveway, while Jordan was busy locking up the house.  She told me this friend I was just writing about above had passed away in the wee hours of the morning.  Little did I know, my restlessness last night was during the time of her passing.

I’m devastated.

I’m trying to wrap my mind around her loss.  Her family’s loss.  Our church’s loss.

I was just writing about her a few hours ago.  Jeez.

I got in the shower this afternoon and just broke down and wept. I felt Jesus whisper to me, “I’ve healed her… I’ve heard you all… she’s finally WHOLE.”

Jesus, Jesus… hug her tight for us.  We will miss her here on earth… we’ve been changed because we knew her.  I’ll be wearing the clothes I inherited from her give-away pile last fall with sweet memories of the day she gave them to me and joked about how they were out-of-style, that’s why she was getting rid of them. 

I didn’t even know her on a deep level like many from our church do, but because Denise was such a light, and such a beacon of faith and hope…. as our pastor puts it, a pillar of our church… she touched all lives who knew her even just a little bit.

There’s a reason we feel stirrings in the middle of the night.  Sometimes there’s a reason we can’t sleep.  There’s a restlessness that calls us to action. 

I felt it last night as I was praying for you Denise… as Jesus was calling you home after so much physical suffering here on earth.  I didn’t know what was happening to you, but the Holy Spirit was prompting me to pray.

And so, even now, I have learned something from you still.  My faith is deepened…

We love you, sweet friend.  Dance with your Savior, now.  You are set free.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26